Berty Responds

Greg and Kirby were both very generous to write me letters of recommendation. I wouldn't mind running into real letters of recommendation--the ones they write for jobs or scholarships now, or perhaps graduate school in the future--and seeing what they would really have to say about me.

I was very happy that they think me an overall energetic, reflective, and bright young lady. Both also imply I am spiritually mature and may employ a nice amount of down-to-earth wisdom.

There is a side of me that Kirby mentions that I wish was nonexistent: "She is appropriately unsure about most things but is inappropriately unsure about herself." I am grateful he added a positive to that personality negative, making it appear virtuous to a degree. I am very self-deprecating, and I have been ever since I hit puberty. I've often hoped it was a problem of hormones, but I will be 21 this summer and will need to do very adult-ish things, like renew my driver's license. My over self-doubt is partly habit, but mostly spiritual, mental, and social immaturity.

This afternoon my Daddy asked if I considered being a college professor when I grew up. I said that most days I am enticed by the idea, but feel too stupid and un-gifted for such a career. Immediately, he said that if I could "break" my chain of self-negativity, I could probably shape and inspire a few young lives. Yes Daddy, I know you are right, as usual. Any life-direction I wanted could be greatly enhanced by a halt in self-deprecation.

One thing I wish could be said of me is that I am industrious and a "go get 'em" type. I wish that my references could say that I am hard working and creative. The creative part is there, but the industrious part is smoothly avoided. Perhaps these guys have not seen me at work outside of school. In my past jobs, I have been praised for my quality and efficient work. At school, I feel things are different. Uh-oh.

In general, I am very grateful for the mostly positive references I have. I do have a good spirit, a good head, good creative powers, and good ways of relating with people (even after growing up a sheltered home schooler). And, I feel there are several well liked, respected, and educated people who have good things to say about me. That is a nice feeling.