While I was up First Baptist Church's lovely climbing tree this evening, Lauren, Tarah, and Kim started talking about their hoped for future living standards. Tarah said she is going to direct incredible and profitable plays, making lots of money so she can buy a comfortable home. She did say that she never wants to have a "real job."
Lauren said she is going to be poor. Kim said she is going to be poor too. I think Tarah is a better dreamer than either of them. And what is the Berty in the tree thinking? Good question.
There is not a good way for me to measure and compare "richness" and "poorness." I come from a home that was sometimes officially considered "poverty" in the state of Wyoming. (Considering the population of Wyoming, we were a lot richer than most of America's poverty.) For several years we were covered by Wyoming Kid Care Health Insurance. Sure, we have never had food stamps, but I remember my parents considering a mortgage to pay for some remodeling or buying a piano. My parents made enough to pay off bills, loans, and credit cards; they always kept their debt low.
Deep down, in my gut, the place where I feel honesty, I don't want to "scrape" quite as much as I feel my parents did. I want to have a sturdy, nice home, though not too big, and I want to travel farther and more often. There was sometimes worry and bickering associated with money in my home, and I want there to be less of that in my future life. Even now I have a great amount of worry about money. There is just not enough for the things I want most right now: college and travel experiences. I've been scraping, more and more every semester, seeing nothing and wondering if I'll return to my school.
But, believe it or not, the dreaming Berty wants to live at poverty level. Not poor and in debt and unhappy, but poor and satisfied and able to enjoy some simple pleasures in life. Lately I've been imagining myself in Africa married to Uganda native Aberi Museveni. Aberi and I better not be rich in possessions, just in health, happiness, and Holy Spirit. I imagine that our wealth would be in friendship and personal fulfillment. Our work would be geared towards helping people and the environment. Our play would be what we truly wanted to do. Our expenses would be for basic and important needs--no frilly, useless, annoying clutter. Our whole life would be so focused on God and His creation that money would serve its proper purpose and take care of us, not stress us. I would have books that I could read and share with other people. There would be clean outdoor recreation close at hand. There would be children and animals and community in and around our home. We would be able to travel other places, especially on occasional visits to the United States to see loved ones.
That is my dream for tonight. It will be changed by Spring 2008, if not before.
So, Lauren, Tarah, and Kim, I will be poor too.
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3 comments:
Am I really a poor dreamer, to realize it's not easy to get rich as a writer? Maybe I'll have to write my own post and show you just how much I can dream. But not tonight. Now it's time to sleep.
As for your dream, I think it suits you. Although, it's hard to imagine you settling down so far away. At least you're dreaming big--I applaud you for that. And at least we'll all be poor together. ;)
Kim --
I'm find myself wondering about your "poor dreamer" question: "Am I really a poor dreamer, to realize it's not easy to get rich as a writer?" Please realize that my answer is generated by my own self-reflection, and not on any assessment of your dream-pertise. I'm intending to shape an abstract answer based upon my own gut about myself, rather than attempting to psychoanalyze you, etc.
But I think the answer is yes. Granted, a lot depends upon how one defines "dreamer," and, I suppose, on how one distinguishes between "dreaming" and "imagination." In my own case, I think my tendency to "realize" the pragmatic realities (i.e., it's not easy to get rich as a writer) undermines my qualifications as a dreamer. Now, that doesn't mean that I can't imagine a whole lot of things that I would like to achieve/obtain/experience. But to my mind, the distinction between "dreaming" and "imagination" has something to do with reality's eventual pull or prominence in one's thinking.
But, perhaps I'm working with a rather dismissive definition of "dreamer." If so, then perhaps that also demonstrates a certain poverty. Or perhaps I'm simply tired and cranky. :)
gad
Berty, this nearly made me cry. Like Wordsworth, however, I feel I must withold a verdict on what I think of such a life until my emotions have calmed and I may "recollect them in tranquility," so to speak. I shall write more later.
-Dianna
PS: I'm putting a letter addressed to an Elizabeth 'Liberty' Ferguson in the mail tomorrow. I hope it gets to the correct one. ;)
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