"What Are You and Who Are You Doing?"

Doc from Disney's Snow White and the Seven dwarves is my hero this afternoon. He says some of the best things.

"Look men! The lit's light!"

"Search every crook and nanny, every crack and ninny . . . search everywhere!"

"What are you and who are you doing?"

I haven't seen Snow White and the Seven Dwarves in years, but I think about what Doc says, especially when I'm pondering myself. I do a lot of that lately. I'm a sophomore in college and "pre-declared," as some like to call it. I simply tell people I'm a student of "campusology."

This blog is about what I am, in relation to majors and life after school type things. Considering that my future is so vague, this blog can be quite open and unlimited. Since the future has not happened yet, and anything can happen, I can basically put anything I want on here. I think I would like to begin with a poem.

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.

It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;

It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil

Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?

Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;

And all is seared with trade; Bleared, smeared with toil;

And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil

Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;

There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;

And though the last lights off the black West went

Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs--

Because the Holy Ghost over the bent

World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

I memorized this poem, for a friend. I am very glad I did. I'm not sure if it will help me figure out my future, but it might. A friend (not the friend I memorize for, but a lover of Hopkins) tells me I don't need to know what I'm doing in the future. I trust him, some days.

Words always go through my head. I recite poetry, I quote movies, I think about funny and profound things I have heard people say. I like to immitate accents and personalities. Some have told me I am quite good at immitating some of the proffessors here on campus. That makes me happy.

One thing I have noticed about myself, especially lately, is that I am not prone to earning money. I'm never looking for mony opportunities. I offer my skills, and end up volunteering my time. I have agreed to play a Beethoven Sonata for a friend's junior recital. This is something I want to do, but I don't want credit for it, and I'm certainly not being paid, but I will be practicing several hours everyday (hopefully) untill the end of April. Many mornings I rehears and contimplate the "foolish" ways I use my time. College students have little time to spare; extra time should be spent in more "profitable" activies. I am frustrated more often then not, and sometimes end the practice session weeping over my financial stupidity.

I found out today that I have permission to perform the sonata. The news came in an e-mail message. I laid my head on the keyboard and cried, partly from the excitement of getting to finaly perform a piano work in it's entirety. I also cried because I attend a private school, and I need a lot of money. The hours of piano work that I will do will bring me no money, but it is what I want to do during this semester.

Things will work out, I am sure. This semester is completely paid for. I will play piano, because I want to, and then avoid the ivories for a week or two during recovery.