Dear friends, family, teachers, guides,
In a year I’ll be graduating from USF, as some of you have been reminding me. Graduation will be another one of those times in life where I will choose from several ways and go. God has not yet announced to me which particular way I should take, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to choose or fall into one. One way that I would like to be an option is graduate school--not a way I'm likely to just fall in to.
I don't really know anything about looking, preparing, and selecting graduate programs for application. Not having a specific goal doesn't help either. (I just like reading and thinking and hanging out with thoughtful readers.) With my own devices I have imagined two lives flowing from graduate studies: a continued pretending of analyzing what I read and looking for a job teaching college, or taking up the life of a librarian. I don't think these are the only lives I could enjoy--just the only ones I've pictured in some detail.
So, I want to think and decide about graduate schools, but I hate thinking alone, and no longer believe in deciding alone. As people who know me some, my teachers, friends, and guides, would you dream for me a moment? What would you have me do? Where might I like to go? What might I be good at?
Send me names of places to look up, so I can make a list to ponder over and refer to as I look about. I don't care why you mention certain places--whether because it would be remarkable, you think I'd like it, you think I need it, you have pleasant feelings for an alma mater, etc. Anything goes in these beginning stages, and who knows, I might drop graduate school dreams and go live in a commune in Scotland, or buy a camp house on a river somewhere and subsistance farm.
Thank you in advance for reading, for thinking, praying, and maybe adding to my "list." If your getting this e-mail, you've been an inspiration to me somewhere along the way . . . thanks for that too.
Peace,
Berty
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Liberty -
Last summer, when I was in the same spot as you as far as a somewhat existential crisis going "What am I gonna doooooo!?" my father and I had a talk about my life. He said he doesn't see me being tied to any one career for a long period of time. I would probably switch careers four or five times and be happy with that.
Well, I wasn't altogether happy with that statement, but I knew that I had to consider it. After all, how are we going to know what could happen to us five years down the road? Sure, we can plan for the future and set it out, but I can tell you one thing - I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be when I came into college as a freshman. It's like what you said in your letter to me: things change, people change. Being in any one place isn't what changes you, but it is a multitude of things and a multitude of experiences. That is, of course, a paraphrase, but it is the essential sentiment.
So here's what I have to say to you: Prayer is, as always, a necessary course. Pray and ask God to show you where your passions lie. What you're good at and what your passions are don't always line up exactly. Example: I love photography and I'm good at it, but after some thinking about it, I realized I'm not nearly as enthusiastic about it as I was about writing. I loved photography because I was good at it, and while I was good, I enjoyed what I was doing. Writing, on the other hand, was something I was doing whether or not I was producing something worthy of being called good. My affirmation for being a photographer was coming solely from an outside source, even if it was just me looking at a photo and being proud of it. I thought myself as passionate about it because it was something I had a natural talent for, but thinking seriously upon it, I wasn't really all that passionate about it and I don't believe I could ever make it something more than a hobby because I would spend my days trying to get affirmation from others and from myself about the photos I was taking.
That said, I think my best advice for you would be to spend a lot of time in contemplation about what you're truly passionate about. I don't think anyone from the outside can outright tell you what you're passionate about, they can merely affirm it after you've realized it yourself. That was part of what the whole Baylor thing is for me. I realized that I was passionate about English literature, and even more so, passionate about 20th Century Lit, and Baylor said, "hey, we recognize that in you. Here's an opportunity to find out more about that."
So...that's what I have to tell you. Best of luck and feel free to call me anytime next year to discuss it. Marc got a few panicked phone calls from me while I was still deciding myself.
Hope this helps!
-D
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