Qigong and Sundry Items, Like Possibly Being Bipolar, My Love Life, and BMW Motorcycles

All of you know that I am insane.

So, I think I am even slightly clinically insane. I think that I have suffered for a long time with a mild form of bipolar disorder. Obviously I'm functioning rather well. Uniquely, but functioning. I'm talented and sociable and hardworking and likeable.

Of course recently I've done some pretty crazy things . . . moved across the country by myself for one thing, rented a 5th wheel camper in the poorest county in Florida. (I didn't know at the time the economic state of the county . . . that's not something I research, if I research at all. I guess I really don't care about that kind of thing.) Well, anyway. I do some crazy things. 30 minutes ago I introduced myself to an old guy with a nasty white beard, because I could tell he was the driver of the 1978 BMW bike parked out front of the library. My biker friend tells me some important things . . . that the BMW crowd is tight-knit like the Harley Davidson crowd, but waaaaay better. He shared with me pictures on his cross-country drive out west last summer, and gave me info for an upcoming Poverty Riders meeting in Coon Bottom. Score! Being a little crazy opens a lot of doors.

Okay, well anyway. I experience depression and loneliness in a very acute way at times. It hits me, like a slap to the face, and will hang around, and then lift, unexplained. I also think I get too excited and happy sometimes . . . giddy and stupid. This would be considered the mania of "manic-depressant," a.k.a. bipolar. When I am in these states, I am not very rational. I have weird feverish dreams that I can't remember. I have racing thoughts and generally mental confusion at times. It's annoying, to say the least. The good news is, it's starting to mellow out. Let me tell you what I'm doing about it and why.

I am, because of my upbringing, reticent to trust Western medicine. I am also poor, and didn't know I needed help until this summer, when I was 8 hours drive from Fairbanks, Alaska. Oops. I am not "insured" in the typical sense, so just don't walk into a doctor's office without a good idea of what I am going to spend. My "insurance," a Christian health-sharing ministry, does not cover mental disorders . . . which is really too bad, but makes sense from a financial standpoint Since Western medicine can't cure mental disorders, Christians who decide to take treatment (a crutch only, not a cure) will need to budget accordingly.

So here is my secret . . . Spring Forest Qigong. Qigong comes from the East, and is a healing art focused on the opening and balancing of the body's energy channels. Spring Forest Qigong is not instantly gratifying . . . you have to be dedicated and sincerely practice it. It involves meditation, visualization, breathing, and gentle movements. There is no weird chanting, or connecting yourself with some strange mystical force. Thank goodness.

Here is my Qigong story (warning, some information will be a repeat for my regular readers):
I fell head over heals for a guy from Florida . . . had no business doing this, but love is unpredictable and remember, I'm probably clinically diagnosable. But, I could never quite express myself to this guy . . . which I think hurt him, since I know it hurt me. Well, this guy got severely sick and diagnosed about three weeks after we finally got some form of a relationship off the ground. Things went bad, bad, bad, between us. It was traumatic, and I'm still suffering some of the feelings popping up on me, especially when I'm in a depression. This summer was difficult, and I didn't have a clue what to do, but survive everyday of work, and make it through my vacation time one way or another. My aunt had sent me the title of a book she'd noticed soon after my man's diagnosis last spring, and finally this fall, after a healing 10 days on the Missouri River, I read it: "From Hell to Well: My Journey Back from Multiple Sclerosis" by Elaine Silverman. That was a turning point for me. It opened my eyes, and freed me from the over-all trauma of my experience for several reasons. First, my dear one could be cured, if he wanted. Second, I had no power (or responsibility) to make him get better. Third, the abusive ways that he treated me was not what I deserved . . . merely a symptom of his being so far out of balance. Fourth, I had my own out-of-balances to address, which had made my experience worse than it had to be. Fifth, my problems could be addressed without drugs, and quite possibly cured. I was empowered, to say the least. So, I checked out this Qigong thing that Silverman used as part of her healing regiment.

I read "Born a Healer" by Chunyi Lin and started practicing basic Spring Forest Qigong exercises. I found out Chunyi Lin practiced out of a clinic in Eden Prairie, MN, so I visited there as part of my drive across the country. The price of visiting this healer and his co-workers is intimidating . . . especially when the powerful health professionals of our world don't think it's legitimate. But, you know what, if a lady half paralyzed by Multiple Sclerosis has been pain free for 18 years, runs a small business, and raises an organic garden in a small town in Ohio, its worth it to me. If a hard-core alcoholic got sick from drinking soon after practicing some Qigong, and went on to heal himself of his alcoholism, turn his life around, admit to it, and encourage others to try it out, mild bipolar is nothing. I might as well give it a shot. After all, the Eastern cultures had incredible sciences back when the Western world was stuck in the dark ages. It's older, maybe it's survived because, like arches and genuine Christianity, it's strong and good.

I was pleased, overall, and after practicing on my own for a month, I've now started working once a week long-distance with one of the healers in MN. He warns me that my experience is likely to get worse before it gets better, which makes me a little nervous. He tells me it won't be instantly gratifying . . . that something like this will take 6 months for significant improvement. Weigh it out . . . the rest of my life with a drug for mental disorder, or six months commitment to practicing a meditative art in order to regain balance and a "cure." That's a no-brainer. Six months is nothing in a lifetime. I feel like the luckiest person in the world for the connections I've made and what I've been exposed to. There are some angels out there looking after me. You know what else? I told my healer plainly that I am a "Confessing, practicing Christian," and he responded by saying, "well, than this is MY lucky day, because I am as well. What I do is a science, not a religion as many believe it is. However, the reason I strive to be good at it and go about it the way I do, is very much informed by my faith." Friends, last Saturday was MY lucky day. After the 30-40 minute phone session with my Christian Qigong healer in MN, my neck loosened up enough to turn two inches farther than it has in a long, long time. I've still got some things to overcome, but I am on the way, and I am very excited to have the connections and support that I have. As weird as it is.

Well, that's all for now. This post has been manic, wouldn't you say? Pray that I am wise. I sometimes feel sorry that I might lose some of this craziness if I "get better." There are a lot of great things coming into my life because I let myself be a little crazy. For one, I've got a deal with an organic farmer going for practice, work, and education. And, he's a great old spirit who knows the areas wild places very well, and knew my current hero/author, Robb White Jr. My farmer friend worked as a forester for a career, so was able to connect the wooden boat builder with specialty timbers. He even gave me instructions to get to the home of Bailey White (Robb White's sister, author of "Mama Makes up Her Mind." She read these stories on NPR, I hear). I won't be going there uninvited, of course . . . I'm not that crazy . . . but it was still very cool.