The Corrosion of Character

The class discussion for this evening was centered around summer jobs. I am going to Alaska, Lauren is going to the Black Hills, Jesse will be laying asphalt, Randi will be cleaning rooms, Kirby was undeclared, Marcus may be flying back and forth to Mumbai quite frequently; we are all doing quite different things. I am the most jealous of Jesse and of Kirby. Jesse has a job that is going to use his intellect and his physical strength. Kirby . . . I still don't know, but it may involve a lot of reading while enjoying his back yard. My job will be easy in task, though hard in staying focused and staying upright.

We also watched a large portion of a documentary entitled "The Corporation." There were many incredibly depressing facts, it was narrated by a very dark, dramatic, doom filled female voice, there were many disturbing images, there were many ideas with which I admittedly don't want to agree, but morally must. Frankly, I am feeling a great moral weight in being a fish processor for a summer. "Who knows, I may end up somewhere along the road that your flaky fast food fish fillet traveled. Not good for you, and not good for the ocean. Really, it is a depressing thought. Yet, I am going. I doubt I will ever find a job that will satisfy all my morals." I am taking the job because 1) I want to go to school and 2) I want to go to Uganda and 3) I want to escape the status-quo once and awhile. But, does the ends justify the means?

As I read The Corrosion of Character and as I watch The Corporation I seriously reconsider the virtue of my position in school. Here I am, a completely goalless, selfish individual paying large sums of money for an education which is sometimes only a game. Preparing myself for an economy which is also usually a game of money. I crave integrity and meaning in work. I want my work to build up other people. I want the environment to be built through my work. I want my happiness to be built through my work. I want that garden I wrote on earlier. I want people and the earth to grow.

Well, this blog was rather depressing and that's what I needed it to be. I'm upset by my own badness. I question my work, my school, the things I buy, the food I eat. My whole life is a contradiction to my values. That is a good thing to be aware of, but not depressed into immobility.